This time of the year is very hard. I do reasonably well through ten out of every twelve months; with the exception of a mild pity party here and there, I tend to be fairly irrepressible. Can't keep a good woman down, you know. Staying busy - mentally more than physically, of course - helps a great deal.
The political climate of the past few years hasn't helped much. It's created a mild, constantly thrumming anxiety I can sometimes feel in my bones…a sense of impending doom often heightened to a nearly obsessive wail by the helplessness I personally feel when dealing with the physical challenges I face daily, challenges to which I had to adapt at what will probably prove to be the midpoint of my life. I've never considered myself anything other than utterly intractable, obdurate, stubborn beyond all reason. As long as I can remember, I've been the kind of person that, once my mind is made up, digs in. This characteristic has gotten me in nearly as much trouble as it has ever helped me, and I always wished I could be just a bit more flexible.
As the adage goes: Be careful what you wish for…
One of my very favorite pieces of Scripture is Philippians 4:13. "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." (AKJV) What I lack, He provides. When my mind, heart and spirit become so mired in black that I can't move, can't breathe…I pray. He has never failed to answer my call - even when His answer wasn't the one I sought.
This year, everything is almost better, for the first time in seven years. The anniversary of my accident is two weeks away now, and I can feel that black despair waiting to seize me up again. As I pray, I'm overcome with a conviction that He has something very specific for me to do, and I understand quite well that the hardscrabble changes wrought in my mind and body will help me to do it, even if I don't understand why or how. But everything, by the same token, is also almost worse.
High school athletes punished for expressing belief in God and thanks for His abundance. Atheists urging people of faith to "celebrate reason" during the holiday season. A government agency violating the civil liberties of millions of Americans because political correctness prevents them from following safety protocols proven to actually work. Politicians refusing to listen to their constituents, deliberately misconstruing recent midterm elections to justify pushing ahead with a progressive agenda the people DO NOT want. A wannabe terrorist INDEPENDENTLY deciding to murder innocents - including CHILDREN - and being defended by liberal twitbots who claim the federal agents responsible for preventing such a heinous act are actually responsible for entrapping the "beautiful young man" and creating the free society SO VERY TERRIBLE it has spawned a counterculture of misguided youths who feel they simply must strike it down in the name of islam. Yeah, that makes no sense to me, either; but amazingly enough, it's true.
We'll never get through to these people. Anyone who can believe something like that last needs real divine intervention, an authentic "come to Jesus" moment that I don't know how to provide. It's all I can do right now to crawl out from under the covers each day.
So for now, that will be my prayer. I'll try not to be so quiet in the coming days - I promise - and I'll pray that the truly misguided see the light.
Much love, my friends...